I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im six kinds of drunk right now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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