After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
