It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
