He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
