If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
