She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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