I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize
