He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
