this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
