What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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