I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
