I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
