So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
