I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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