KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
