he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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