she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it glows. i had to have it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
