woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
