Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
