I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
