I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
