the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
