i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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