mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
