We're like a lot better than the average bears
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All the doctor said was why
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
