pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
