I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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