I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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