dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
