Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
