I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
