Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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