she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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