the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
