You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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