I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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