I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry my hands just texted you
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
