1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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