My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
