Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
