my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
