I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
