So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
