I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
