my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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