I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
