More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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