just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
