bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
