I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
